Unhealthy Thoughts about Food and Body Image

     I submitted a guest post on losing weight healthfully at College Candy today, and it got me thinking about the mindset that encourages a person to diet. If someone thinks that life will be better when he or she has lost weight, that signals an unhealthy attitude about food and body image. But when you're the one having the thoughts, sometimes it's hard to perceive when they've become unhealthy. 

     I've discussed the thin line separating dieting from an eating disorder before. The process doesn't occur overnight. For me, it happened step by step. Negative thoughts about my appearance led to dieting. Dieting led to constant restricting. Constant restricting led to perceptions of "good" and "bad" foods. 

     By the time I realized my diet was controlling my life, the thoughts that influenced me were so instilled in my mind and accepted as fact, I couldn't recognize how illogical they really were. I didn't realize how irrational they were until actually spoken aloud to someone else. Have you ever found yourself thinking any of the following statements?

     Everyone is this room is looking at me thinking that I'm fat.

     He would like me better if I lost weight.

     They're thinking that I shouldn't be eating this.

     He's looking at my (face, stomach, whatever body part) because he thinks it's fat. 

     No one else cares about what they eat as much as me.

     I don't want to go do something fun because I feel fat.

     If I lose weight, some part of my personality will change as well.

     If you've believed any of these ideas to be true, take a moment and imagine your best friend saying them to you. What is the likelihood of these thoughts being plausible? Is it really possible that everyone in the room is thinking that? Is it really true that no one else cares about food? Is your social life suffering because you don't want to be seen? 

     If your mindset mirrors this list, dieting won't make you feel better. Dieting is your effort to better yourself, and if the perceived excess weight is gone, poor self-esteem will still be there. Learn to love yourself, and it will be a natural progression to treat your body well.

Navigating the Holidays for the Eating Disordered

Newsweek has a much-need article right now on "Holiday Help for Those with Eating Disorders." The tips are aimed at the families of the eating disordered. For those whose parents don't know, I hope they at least suspect, and will take the tips to heart. They are:

1. Strategize. 

"(sometimes just having such an abundance of food can trigger bulimic episodes) So plan ahead. Whether it's making some foods available or just making others less obvious."

2. Don't Force.

"Insisting that an eating-disordered family member attend the big Christmas brunch or pile on another few slices of ham can be very harmful."

3. Don't Focus on the Food.

"The season's focus on food and cooking means that people with diagnosed disorders feel that their eating habits will be watched closely, and people who are trying to hide disorders will be especially worried about being caught."

4. It's Not Personal.

"The rest of the family will dig in, so if you're a host or hostess, don't be offended if a particular guest has a light plate."

These are excellent, appropriate tips for family members, and I would have had a much easier time in years past if my family had followed them. But my family, while I assume they suspected, has never confronted me about my disordered eating habits. So, I will modify these tips for those of you in similar situations. 

1. Strategize.

This advice still applies. Start thinking now about how you will handle the holidays. In my case, I will not be spending the week surrounding Christmas with my family, but only a couple nights. I don't want to be surrounded by that much food for that extended period of a time. I realize this is not the most healthy behavior either, but right now, it's right for me.

2. Don't Force.

Plan ahead exactly what you will say if you are being pressured to eat when you're full. A simple, assertive "No, thank you, I'm not hungry," should do the trick. 

3. Don't Focus on the Food. 

The holidays are filled with downtime. I try to pack my day with activities like shopping, visiting with friends, and watching movies. If your mind is on socializing, it won't be obsessing about the food and the calories in it.

4. It's Not Personal.

If you do want to have a light plate of food, just be sure to tell the hostess how much you loved everything. In a time of year that can be so triggering for disordered eaters, you need to be prioritizing your own well-being. Your eating does not have an effect on other people.

What are your plans of attack?

Pro-Ana Websites

     I won't tell you not to look at a pro-ana/pro-mia website. I wouldn't tell you not to, because I've looked at them, and I am not a hypocrite. I wouldn't tell you not to, because the secretive nature of these websites is a part of their forbidden appeal. When looking at them in years past, I always felt like I was doing something wrong... rebelling, even. I wouldn't tell you not to because I don't think looking at these sites can "make" you an anorexic.

     But I can ask you to analyze what you get out of going to these websites, so you can make an informed decision. Upon perusing a few recently, the following words jumped off the page:

drained

anxious

pig 

fat

fast

sick

annoyed

hate

calories 

pathetic

luck

ugly

help

plan

new plan

recover

new plan

binge

I hate living like this.

disgust

i REALLY want to be skinny for uni, itll make things so much easier

numb

lethargic

guilty

cry

bad

A girl asking if she is alone:

"this is gna sound weird
but is anyone else afraid of touching fatty foods
like today my friend tries to make me hold her yucky greasy chips and i couldnt
i was afraid of gainin weght throgh my skin

plz tell me im nt the nly one with this fear"

     It is comforting to find that there are others out there who have the same beliefs and fears as you. A strong support network is a basic human need. Talking about your worries just makes you feel better. It's a sense of release to have them out in the open and not pent up inside.

     But we are not defined by our eating habits. Your identity is not anorexic, bulimic or someone with a negative body image. These traits are only behaviors that you've chosen, a small part of who you are. So these communities don't provide all the support you need. 

     These sites suggest the answer to all problems is to simply eat less. It is their solution for stress, loneliness and general unhappiness. If that was the answer, why would the list of words above be so prominent on these sites? While the feeling of control may feel good for awhile, it's only temporary. The same negative feelings come back because the true root of your problems hasn't been addressed.

     If you've turned to these sites looking for support, you may assume that your parents and real-life friends will not understand. And it's true that they wouldn't encourage disordered eating, because they want you to be healthy. They wouldn't want you to continue what you're doing to your body. No one knows your body better than you do, so no one else knows what it needs. I understand this viewpoint.

     That's why I recommend speaking with those who've been in your situation and had your mindset. Support is not only found at pro-ana websites. There are numerous sites on the web for people who've recovered from EDs, or those who are still struggling and need an outlet. Something Fishy has a huge forum. If you're looking for blogs, Breaking the Mirror and the Disordered Times are great starting points with comprehensive blogrolls leading you to more sites. The people who participate in these sites are not going to lecture you or tell you what to do. People who have been through an ED know they wouldn't have wanted to hear that either. 

     You may not always agree with them, but did you always agree with everything said on pro-ana websites? Differing opinions are just a natural part of human interaction.

     Free therapy is often found on college campuses as well. I took advantage of this resource when recovering, and I promise, I never once felt like my psychologist was judging me in any way.

     I will leave you with a few questions to think about. Yes, we need constant contact and understanding from friends. But if you have to visit a website every day to find enough strength to continue doing something, how long can that really last? Can it continue for the rest of your life? 

     And when will you ever have the time to explore other areas of your life that need addressing? Maybe the areas of your life that you neglect when focusing on food. You won't find the answers to those problems on pro-ana websites.

     

      

From Dieting to a Disorder

     Who am I to claim I can give you advice about preventing an eating disorder? Well, I had one. And it was a slow, slippery process.  Each false belief that I accepted as fact contributed to the demise of my self-esteem, and each unhealthy decision I made gradually contributed to my disease. Eventually, I was suffering from a full-blown eating disorder. I fit the clinical definition of bulimia.

     But before that, I was a “disordered eater.” 15% of young women are. It can mean everything from skipping meals and constant dieting to binge/purging, but these women are all at risk for developing a full-blown eating disorder. I was one of the ones who crossed that bridge.
     There are points where nutritious eating becomes restrictive, and exercise becomes excessive. There is a line between being body-conscious and body dysmorphia (or losing all sense of reality.) Dieting can turn to disordered eating, and disordered eating can turn into a clinical disorder.

     In our minds, thoughts we might have might seem normal. Maybe we think someone is skinnier than us who really isn't. Maybe we think people are staring at us, wondering if we should be eating that fattening food. Whatever the self-deprecating thought, it seems much more plausible in our mind than it does when written down or discussed with others. 

     Staying in shape while going to to school will be difficult. But it does not warrant obsession. (Nothing does.) It will require compromises, planning ahead, hard work and dedication. But you will also make mistakes. That's unavoidable. Demanding perfection is setting yourself up to fall short. 

     I hope you will share your stories with me. I hope you will open up about fears you may have. You will likely learn there are many others who feel the same.